Mini-Break

Sorry for the delay on new posts, folks! I appreciate everyone tuning in for more, but I’ve been a tad busy the past week or so. I promise to have more posted in the upcoming weeks.

PS- I started a new job today, hence the busy-ness.

Just Breathe

My boyfriend enjoys yoga. Thanks to him, I understand the necessity to be in touch with your body. Before, it seemed as though my mind blocked out a lot of the messages my body sent me. However, for me, it wasn’t yoga that put me in touch with my body; it was breathing.

I’ve mentioned meditation before, but I believe this is different. Pay attention for one moment to the way you’re breathing right now. Take a few deep breaths and notice how you inhale and exhale. Do you breathe through your nose? At times, do you hold on to your breath before releasing it? Are you taking in deep breaths or short ones?

Sometimes, I find myself not properly taking in full, refreshing breaths. When I’m upset, or tired, I concentrate on my breathing and even it out if necessary. To some of you, you might call this meditation. It’s definitely a step towards it, but I guess there’s a difference for me.

With time, I discovered various ways my body tried to tell me something: I was tired, I was mad, I was exhausted, I was dehydrated, etc. All based on the way I was breathing.

You ever notice your dog or cat panting during a long summer day? See how they lay down to relax? Well, they’re tired and thirsty. So, why wouldn’t it equate to human beings? For them, animals have less to worry about: no social events, appointments, bills, shopping, driving, or anything crazy. They take time to notice the subtle changes in their bodies.

Next time you’re not feeling too hot, take a moment to notice your breathing. Are you getting in full breaths? If not, try to even it out and see how you feel then. Take notice of the signs your body may be giving you to rest, get something to drink, or simply relax.

Laughter: the Best Medicine

I felt horrible yesterday. I came home from my boyfriend’s after losing my license, unsure what I was going to do to buy a car, take the driver’s test, and get an in-state license. Some days, it seems like the whole universe is out to get you.

Then, I watched White Chicks with the Wayans brothers. I hadn’t seen it in a long time, and I figured I needed something funny to watch after a long day. Honestly, I don’t think I laughed so hard in my life. I’ve seen it, and I knew what to expect, but it didn’t stop me from busting my gut so much from the hilarity. After the movie, I felt so much better. I fell asleep and had great stress dreams to relieve the rest of the negative feelings.

If you’re ever down, and it seems like you cannot stay positive, watch something funny. Go to a comedy show, watch a movie or stand-up, even call up a funny friend you know guaranteed will make you laugh. Sometimes, all you need is a smile to brighten your day.

Getting It Out

Yesterday, I lost my driver’s license. For many, this is a simple fix: go to the local tag agency or DMV and replace your license. I unfortunately had an out-of-state driver’s license. Plus, I don’t own a car, but I was planning on buying one very soon. I cannot be insured without a driver’s license. I would have to do the driving test in the state of Ohio if I cannot procure my old license to prove it was still within time before renewal. Basically, the point is that so many things tied into this one tiny piece of plastic, and I lost it. ‘Tis the way of life, yes? Sometimes.

Of course, in my life, I’ve been feeling quite dependent upon others because I do not own a car. I have to ask for rides, depend on a bus system that rides by once an hour, and I have to schedule dates, appointments, and whatnot around the bus schedule. And I lost my damn license. I busted out crying at my boyfriend’s house because I felt like a complete failure: another stupid accident that happened because of me. A lost series of lists with me as the person incapable of being responsible enough without something always happening.

The thing of the matter is that I am always changing to find better ways to keep things from happening to me. They still manage to happen. It becomes annoying, depressing, and I’m utterly tired from trying so hard to prove to others and myself how responsible I am. I’m damn responsible. Sure, other people have it more together: their lists, their way of doing things, their enhanced ability to put all the puzzles pieces together and foresee what may happen throughout the day.

I, unfortunately, am not that person: I forget the one thing at the grocery store I needed most; I forget birthday cards sitting on my table near the door while heading out to the birthday party (without a car, I rely on someone else to take me back home to fetch the card so I’m not a dick for forgetting); I don’t always remember date times or appointments; the list goes on and on. I don’t do anything of these things on purpose. Even when I have a system, it seems to not work for me. I use my phone now to make reminders or post things on my calendar. It updates me at certain intervals of time to remind me of said event. Now, my phone is acting up and I’m forgetting all sorts of things.

So, what is the point of my entire various rants? Sometimes, you have to get it out. Write a blog, call a friend, meet up with a family member, even chat with someone online. Get it out of you because it’ll boil up over the edges and you’ll eventually spill it out on them, and they don’t deserve it. At the same time, you cannot manage in life if you’re always full of emotion. You’ll make wrong decisions, forget things, so forth and so on. Plus, it’s nice to have someone else to see a different perspective on the situation.

What You See

It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see. – Henry David Thoreau

Today’s Tiny Buddha talked about judging other people. In the article, the writer wanted everyone to not make any judgements for the rest of the day. Of course, it’s easier said than done. Still, judging doesn’t make the suffering go away; it doesn’t help the people we judge and it doesn’t make us feel any better in the long run.

So, why do we do it to ourselves? I think we need to concentrate on finding the beauty within ourselves and accepting the tiny flaws we have, body and mind. Once we can accept who we are, we can give love to the world. Remember back to my previous post on giving to receive? We have to be the vessels of love instead of finding someone to love us. Then, we will receive love.

There are ways to begin loving your body. Look in the mirror everyday and compliment yourself on something new. Stay away from make-up and clothing compliments. Try to notice the color of your eyes, the size of your lips, the curve of your nose. Find any small thing that makes you… well, you.

As for your personality, begin asking friends and family what they like about your personality. Tell them how you’re feeling about yourself, and you wanted their perspective. It helps hearing what people, whom you love and respect, have to say about you. Note: Yes, I firmly believe we shouldn’t rely on what people say about one’s self. We should simply live the life we want. However, this is an exercise which helped me out. Understand you aren’t looking for someone to make you feel better. At times, we only need someone’s outside perspective to see the beauty we have in ourselves.

Sometimes what you see in the mirror is worth more than words. Love yourself. There’s only one person like you in this world, and that makes you special. Cheesy, yet true!

Taking Responsibility

May 24, 2011 2 comments

Blame is just a lazy person’s way of making sense of chaos. – Doug Coupland

It nerves me when someone blames others for their errors or their way of life. Your mother, your brother, your friend, or a stranger cannot be blamed when you realize you are your own person who has control over their thoughts, feelings, and reactions. We are stronger than we realize, if only we would become more aware of this fact. I am not exempt from this unfortunate characteristic in modern day society. Deep down, I know when I blame someone else I am wrong. I cannot blame everyone for my failures.

We must become incredibly intune with ourselves to know when we’re blaming someone else though we were the one in control. It’s partly rewiring the way we think, and partly being more astute in how our brains comes up with the logic.

For example, when I moved in with my boyfriend, he pointed out that I make a lot of excuses. He called me on my bullshit every time. Of course, he had me questioning every little action, and it became quite annoying. Eventually, I began to see when I made excuses and I tried to find the true reason why. Then, I’d tell him the truth rather than the simple excuse.

We must be completely aware of ourselves and our logic. Why do we blame others? Are we really mad at ourselves and taking it out on someone else? It becomes a habit and a way of life, so it makes it harder to see. Simply self-reflect every once in a while. With time, you’ll stop blaming everyone else for your troubles and you’ll take responsibility. When you do this, you can see where you made your mistakes and you’ll be prompt to fix them.

Only the Strong Forgive

May 24, 2011 1 comment

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. – Mahatma Ghandi

After my horrible break up a few years back, I knew right away I couldn’t hold onto the grudges of the past. I took responsibility of my share of the problems in the relationship, and I moved on. At least, I tried. Thankfully, with my current boyfriend’s help, I found it easier to let go of residual feelings to move on. Of course, there came deeper, darker emotions and issues to deal with over time. I believe I’ve properly accepted these feelings in order to grow and continue my life journey in a healthy manner.

There was a moment last year where old feelings brewed into my life, and I began to wish horrible things upon my ex. For most people, this is “normal”. I knew, from the Mandala, this isn’t normal and it isn’t healthy. In order to go forward, I would need to forgive my ex and wish him the best in the world.

Day after day, the first thing I told myself in the morning was “I forgive him. I wish him all the success and happiness as I would wish upon myself.” Over time, the feelings of hatred and wishing bad things upon him grew farther apart until they practically vanished. Time to time, I get a pang in my heart, so I’ll close my eyes, take a deep breath, and say my chant.

A lot of people ask me why the break up still matters when it’s been close to two years. There are various reasons, but I know the first step in moving on is forgiveness. I feel better about myself, about the end, and about my ex. I don’t worry about him and his life and how happy he may or may not be without me. The “right” to know left when we broke up. With that, I learned to stop worrying about his life and began to start living mine.

I feel stronger, feel like I’m doing the right thing for me. How can you start forgiving someone?