Uncertainty

I’ve noticed, over the past few months, while trying to maintain another blog, that quite a few people still check out this blog. As I flip back through the pages and glance over the articles, I start loving this blog all over again. What started out as a long-term project going into mental health, physical health, and more, I eventually stopped focusing on it. I couldn’t tell you why. I simply stopped, partly for sanity.

I have a hard time keeping up with a schedule, keeping up with tasks and chores, and commitments. The stress of it takes it out on me. I think, as I started my job back in June of 2011, I started focusing on it and I let this blog slide.

It’s unfortunate. Apparently, it got quite a few hits back when I started. A lot of people want to know there are others out there living a similar life of uncertainty. Nobody knows exactly how to live, how to survive. Hell, sometimes we just do. For others, they cannot, may they rest in peace. But I think one thing is for certain:

We have each other.

If I’ve learned one thing these past seven or eight months, I’ve learned we need one another in order to survive. From Occupy movements, to charity work, and beyond, in order to keep everything going and keep faith in humanity, we need to reach out and help one another. I think it’s why people gravitate towards this blog. They want to hear my story. They want to know what I’ve learned during my journey to help themselves.

I cannot guarantee that I will continue this blog. The present interest has inspired me. Plus, the journey I’m taking now might call for maintaining it. As long as you are patient, and you all continue to show interest, I will do my best in continuing to share my answers with each and everyone of you.

Thank you, for bringing me back, for reminding me of why I started this blog in the first place.

Fake It if You Have to

Yesterday was a good day. I accomplished a lot of things by staying positive and in the moment. I focused on tasks at hand instead of worrying about them constantly throughout the day. During homework, I realized I was talented at using Excel, which is good, because we use it a lot at work. Plus, it’s a strong skill to carry with me towards other jobs.

Still, the day before yesterday, I felt the weight of the world crashing down on my shoulders, and I was taking it out on my boyfriend. I got so caught up in stress and worry that he called me and told me to relax. The poor guy stays by my side because he loves me, and at times, I feel bad about the way he gets treated. I try to appreciate everything he does for me. Anyway, with that phone call, I realized it was all okay. I was going to be fine despite my hectic schedule. Unfortunately, I had to trick my brain into understanding this.

You might seem confused by that statement. Wouldn’t my brain already know and understand this? Not necessarily. My mind kept going to the future and worrying about all the projects I needed, and wanted, to accomplish in order to finally settle down and relax. But that was the problem: my brain stayed out of the present moment, and I had to convince it to stay right here, in the now. And in order for me to do that, I had to fake it and make it seem like everything was okay. Eventually, after a moment’s time, I relaxed, started breathing regularly, and stopped feeling so tense.

There’s a saying “fake it ’til you make it,” and it’s pretty much true. You have to believe everything’s okay even if, by other people’s standards, it isn’t. At some point, your mind will see the forest through the trees, or however the saying goes, and it will relax. You’ll calm down, and things will be alright.

I find it difficult, especially with depression, to see the silver lining and maintain positivity throughout the day. Sometimes, you simply have to fake it to make it through. Eventually, it gets better; it always does.

Here’s a song that I absolutely love because it talks about depression, and it makes you realize how powerful you can be in situations that seem dire:

Staying on Track

In the past few weeks, I’ve concentrated on my new job and maintaining relationships. I’ve found that I am not all that happy, and I believe I’m going through a bout of depression. There are various reasons, but I am looking into therapy and possibly getting on medication to help. It’s becoming increasingly hard to concentrate on positivity in my life, and I’d like to get a sense of security.

While medication might seem like I’m giving up to some, please know that medication helps and works in many cases. A few years back, I was on prozac and I was able to focus more on positive change in my life than negative habits. After six months, I stopped taking the prescription and I was able to live a happy life.

I am not going to force the doctor into medication, but I will definitely let him know that I am open to taking something and see what he or she has to offer. I hope to maintain the blog more often since I did it more for me than anyone else, though I hope it’s helped someone out there.

I am working towards getting my life settled in so many areas: mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual. It will take time, patience, and resolve. Thanks for anyone reading.