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Only the Strong Forgive

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. – Mahatma Ghandi

After my horrible break up a few years back, I knew right away I couldn’t hold onto the grudges of the past. I took responsibility of my share of the problems in the relationship, and I moved on. At least, I tried. Thankfully, with my current boyfriend’s help, I found it easier to let go of residual feelings to move on. Of course, there came deeper, darker emotions and issues to deal with over time. I believe I’ve properly accepted these feelings in order to grow and continue my life journey in a healthy manner.

There was a moment last year where old feelings brewed into my life, and I began to wish horrible things upon my ex. For most people, this is “normal”. I knew, from the Mandala, this isn’t normal and it isn’t healthy. In order to go forward, I would need to forgive my ex and wish him the best in the world.

Day after day, the first thing I told myself in the morning was “I forgive him. I wish him all the success and happiness as I would wish upon myself.” Over time, the feelings of hatred and wishing bad things upon him grew farther apart until they practically vanished. Time to time, I get a pang in my heart, so I’ll close my eyes, take a deep breath, and say my chant.

A lot of people ask me why the break up still matters when it’s been close to two years. There are various reasons, but I know the first step in moving on is forgiveness. I feel better about myself, about the end, and about my ex. I don’t worry about him and his life and how happy he may or may not be without me. The “right” to know left when we broke up. With that, I learned to stop worrying about his life and began to start living mine.

I feel stronger, feel like I’m doing the right thing for me. How can you start forgiving someone?

  1. May 24, 2011 at 11:02 pm

    I think the power of forgiveness comes somewhere in the zone of releasing oneself from the suffering that you perpetuate by dwelling on anything but the present moment. Past pain is past, there’s nothing you can do about it. So continuously giving it attention is basically just draining. Of course I’m all “Buddha” and shit right now. But after Shelby left me, holy crap, INSANITY. So it’s of course easier said than done. However, merely being aware of this should help future pain more easy to experience, face and then release. I defer to Eckhart Tolle on how to truly do this: http://www.youtube.com/user/EckhartTeachings

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