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What is the Speed of Dark?

My boyfriend and I went to our favorite Vietnamese place the other night, and we were given fortune cookies at the end of our meal. My fortune said “What is the speed of dark?” I wasn’t sure what it meant, but my boyfriend assured me I would find an answer to it soon enough. Well, Friday was the day.

In a matter of seconds, over a tiny argument the night before, everything fell apart. I let the worst of me get the best of me and my entire life felt ruined. I wanted to move back to Oklahoma and forget it all. This is the speed of dark. It happens in an instant and it leaves you cold. Light takes a moment to warm up for you to notice. With dark, however, it’s instantaneous. I felt like my life was over, all my hard work unappreciated, and I was a failure. Not because of my boyfriend, my family, friends, or school members. No, it was me.

My mind works incredibly fast at disrupting my entire life with bullshit, lies or excuses or misconceptions I thought were true. It puts words in other people’s mouth and makes them valid on some level with a memory I can’t even recall. All I remember was an emotion I felt, an emotion I didn’t handle. Instead, I pushed it away and, today, it returned to haunt me. This is the speed of dark.

At this point, the best thing to do is talk. For two hours, in the blazing sun, because today was thankfully a day full of sunshine, my boyfriend and I talked on the phone to help deal with whatever issues I was having. Being the amazing boyfriend he is, he dealt with me and my crazy. He’s not perfect, and he even admitted to it. He apologized for anything he believed he did wrong and I apologized for being a bitch.

We love each other, and we’ll continue to be together because that’s what we both want. At least, I know that’s what I want. But this is the speed of dark. How does one stop it? Learn to be honest with oneself and start reconditioning your mind to think positively instead of negatively. Deal with emotions as they come and process them properly. These are the tools you’ll need to keep as much “light” as possible to fight off the darkness.

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